Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
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Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
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He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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