I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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