And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
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No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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