It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
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Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
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I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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