Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
