I think my vagina is haunted
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There r osticjed everywhere
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
