You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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