youre lurking in front of me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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