He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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