dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
