I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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