You're completely useless in the revolution.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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