i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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