can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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