well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
