never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
