Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
