just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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