i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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