I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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