you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
