So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
