I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
