And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
