i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
