He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
