Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
