dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
