but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
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we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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