he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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