Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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