My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I love you. Go after that dick
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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