I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
