Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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