Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
