I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
