high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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