I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
