The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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