How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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