look no pants
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
