we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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