erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
