K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
