Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
