You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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