I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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