were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
