I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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