i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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