I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
