would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
