Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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