really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Farmville is her only friend.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
