Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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