I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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