i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize