why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
