Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
