As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
