I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
