I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
