my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
