she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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