One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize