at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
