How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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