I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
