i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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