I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
